I am not an obedient person by nature. I am strong willed and dare I say even stubborn. Sometimes I find myself putting on my tough face only to see God working within me saying “Nope, not fooling me”. Our Pastor started a series on inner healing a few weeks back. It has been all about forgiving those who have hurt us. He tells us as Christians we have no choice. We ask The Lord to forgive us, therefore we MUST forgive. The last few weeks I didn’t get that I had anyone to forgive. I know I have to forgive myself for a truck load of things – but other people? I just didn’t see it. Then at bible study today I was shown I do. Two women decided to become walking buddies. That’s great for them. Strengthening their temples is an awesome thing. The ironic part was I started walking today and was making plans to do it regularly. So, the smart thing to do would be to invite myself to join them. But no – not me. In my head I’m thinking they have singled me out as not good enough, not righteous enough to join them, not whatever enough. I actually cried in the car, thinking “See, I am NOT good enough – it even follows me to church”. GGGRRRR!!!! I couldn’t risk being rejected or even worse – them letting me come and secretly hating the idea that I would be with them. Our Pastor has also taught us how the hurts we have from people always have a lie attached to it – mine would be that I am not good enough. Ever. In anything I do, I am not good enough. I can’t seem to pin this down right now, I hope in prayer tonight God will show the light on how I got this feeling so I can work on making it go away. I know Gods Word said we are created in His image and he is not “not good enough” therefore I must be good enough. Now to just have it sink in………….
